Final Fantasy Titanic Parody Part 1
by ede-insnity
Summary: Well, Since I was once obsessed with Titanic, and I am still obsessed with FF...i decided to combine the two..and create..this. It involves both X-2 and 8 characters.Enjoy. review..Whatever.!


Titanic: FF Style  
  
Camera Pans to Underwater Scene...  
  
Cid Kramer: Well now, what have we here? A safe? Under the water?..How?..  
  
Nida: ..We're looking at the ruins of the Titanic, boss. Remember?  
  
CK: Oh..Yeah. Okay, Nida. Get that safe up to dry land, ASAP!  
  
Nida: ..Right. Okay. Give me my hands, baby! *The safe is extracted from the ruins of Titanic, and they have all come back up to the surface. There is much rejoicing*  
  
CK and Nida, amongst others, watch as the Professionals open the safe up with Magical Fire Sticks. Cid, cringing, goes through all the papers and muck inside, clearly not finding any Heart of the Ocean necklace.*  
  
Cid: CHEAP! What the Mother?..We search the Titanic for treasure, and we come up with THIS? *He produces a handful of brown water and paper. A woman snatches the papers*  
  
Woman: We can use these. I bet they're important.  
  
~~~~  
  
An elderly Lenne sits in her rocking chair, producing a rather dilapidated looking Clay pot. She watches the Excavation on t.v., looking shocked.  
  
Lenne: Edea, darling. Would you turn that up?  
  
Edea: Yes, Grammy...*She does so* Why?  
  
Lenne: Get me the telephone, please.  
  
~~~~  
  
Xu: "Ey Cid! Phone.  
  
Cid: Damn. Can't it wait?  
  
Xu: Oh, you want this call..Trust me. *She hands the phone to him*  
  
Cid: Hello?  
  
Lenne: Did you find the Heart of the Ocean, by any chance?  
  
Cid: *Looks suprised* ..No, Miss...?  
  
Lenne: Dawson. Lenne Dawson.   
  
Cid: Miss Dawson, who is the woman we saw in that picture we found, I found, in the muck?  
  
Lenne: Psht. As if you didn't know, it's me.  
  
~~~~  
  
*Lenne and all of her luggage are transported magically to the boat where Cid resides. She fixes up her stateroom nicely, finding it dull compared to what she had on Titanic.*  
  
Cid: Is it all right here?  
  
Lenne: Oh, yes. *Biting her lip* ..Wonderful. Now, can I see my picture or what?  
  
Cid: Yes. You may.  
  
*Lenne looks at her drawing, sighing.*  
  
Lenne: Oh, I was so hot..*She spots her beaded earrings* ..And these. Oh, my..  
  
Cid: Are you ready to go back to Titanic?  
  
~~~~  
  
*Nida gives them a totally unemotional and unecessary graphic display of Titanic's sinking, and then they all sit in a circle to listen to Lenne's story*  
  
Lenne: It's been Eighty-four years since Titanic went under..and I can still smell the fresh paint, the China had never been used, the sheets had never been slept in. Titanic was...the ship of dreams. And it was, it really was...  
  
~~~~  
  
*Uplifting music plays as Southampton comes into view. People are bustling everywhere, all pretty*  
  
*Camera pans to a dusty old bar, where a group of males are playing cards*  
  
Shuyin: ...Zellio..anything?  
  
Zellio: Niente.  
  
Shuyin: Irvenio? *He shows his card* Nothing. We win. *He grabs Irvine's hand and they bolt out of there, tickets in hand*   
  
Irvenio: We are so lucky! And, we are both American!  
  
*Shuyin and Irvenio push their way through the other people, sliding coyly onto the ship*  
  
Shuyin: We are the luckiest Sons of Bitches alive! *They get to their stateroom*  
  
Some Guy: Where's Sven? *Camera pans to Sven/Zell being chased down a dark alleyway by a group of obsessed women. He is also missing his pants*  
  
~~~~  
  
*Lenne is seen leaving her car, a huge purple hat on her head*   
  
Lenne: It doesn't look any bigger than the other ships...  
  
Her Momma: Oh, Lenne. Do shut up. Be grateful that your fiance here, Seymour, was willing to pay such a hefty price to-  
  
Lenne: Okay! Do you have to remind me about....Seymour...  
  
Seymour: Lenne, dear, let us go find out staterooms, hm? *Lenne turns slightly green*  
  
Lenne: ...Ehm..*She pushes ahead*  
  
~~~~  
  
*Later, since I don't feel like putting the whole unpacking scene in...*  
  
Seymour: Here we are, at dinner. It's lovely. *Rich snobs dance across the room*  
  
Lenne: I'm....going to get some air..*She leaves*  
  
~  
  
Shuyin: Lovely sunset..I wish I had colored pencils so I could draw it!  
  
Wakka: Ya, All of us Irishmen built this ship..1500, actually..  
  
Irvenio: You don't sound Irish to me..  
  
Wakka: Shut your face, you foreign freak!  
  
Shuyin: Wow..Look..*He spots Lenne* ..She's pretty...  
  
Irvenio and Wakka: Oh, you'll never get a piece of that ass...  
  
Shuyin: Erk....  
  
*Lenne is led away then, by her hubby-to-be, Seymour*  
  
~~~~  
  
*Later, again, at evening supper. The first class folk are all eating dinner happily, while Lenne, looking disgruntled, stands up and walks off*  
  
Her Momma: Lenne dear? Where are you going?  
  
Seymour: Darling. Stay and eat. We were going to have lamb again. Rare, with very little mint sauce..  
  
Lenne: No thank you. *Holding her dress up, so as not to trip, she runs frantically out onto the deck, crying. She makes her way to the edge of the ship, passing Shuyin, who is laying on a bench, as she goes*  
  
Shuyin: Huh?  
  
*Lenne climbs up onto the railing, looking down into the water.*  
  
Shuyin: Miss. You don't want to be doing that, do you? *He tosses his cigarette off the ship, taking out a seagull with it* (Yes, Seagulls would be frozen here, but, that isn't the point here...)  
  
Lenne: Stay back! Don't come any closer! I'll let go!  
  
Shuyin: No, you won't...  
  
Lenne: What do you know? Don't presume to tell me what I can and can't do. You don't know me!  
  
Shuyin: Yes, but. Water that cold, like right down there? *He points* It hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. All I'm saying is...you don't want to do that.  
  
Lenne: Stay back. I'm going to do it. I don't care how cold it is...Wait..How cold is it?  
  
Shuyin: Babe, I've lived in Wisconsin, near Chippewa Falls, (GO WISCONSIN!) and that water is freezing. So, don't jump or I'll have to follow you.  
  
Lenne:..Well..*She takes in Shuyin's apparent breath-taking beauty and reconsiders her former idea* Help me back over then, please?   
  
*He takes her hand*  
  
Shuyin: There. Do you have a name?  
  
Lenne: Lenne DeWitt Bukater.   
  
Shuyin: You're going to have to write that once down for me. *He hoists her over, with no trouble, because I don't think Seymour needs to be out in such cold, he might take out someone's eye...*  
  
Lenne: Thank you. Very much. How would you like to join us for dinner tomorrow evening? I shall tell Mother and Seymour that you saved my life...Because, well..you did.  
  
Shuyin: That would be lovely. *He grins, causing Lenne to melt into a Puddle of Lenne inside*  
  
~~~~  
  
*Camera pans to the next morning, Lenne and Shuyin are seen walking around the deck, making fun of people and pushing each other around*  
  
Lenne: Well Shuyin, you really are an amazing person.  
  
Shuyin: As are you.   
  
*Lenne spots his drawing book*   
  
Lenne: So what are you, an artist or something? *She leafs through it* ..Ve..Vegnagun? That sounds mechanical..And what's this? Ifrit? These are really good.  
  
Shuyin: Well, I've been all over Spira. I've seen Aeons, Al Bhed machina..  
  
Lenne: Been to Bikanel Desert?  
  
Shuyin: Yes.  
  
Lenne: Say we'll go there sometime, to that Oasis. Ride horses...  
  
Shuyin: That's fine, but none of the side-sitting stuff.  
  
Lenne: You mean..I have to ride a horse...normal? *She cringes*  
  
Shuyin: And chew tobacco like a man....  
  
Lenne: ...And Spit like a man!  
  
*Shuyin teaches her to spit like a man, hock a big loogie off the ship, and then her Momma arrives*  
  
Lenne: Hello, Mother. *Shuyin wipes spit off his face, thanks to Lulu (Molly Brown)*  
  
*The dinner bell rings, they leaving, leaving Shuyin and Lulu there.*  
  
Lulu: Son. SON! What are you planning on wearing?  
  
Shuyin: This?  
  
Lulu: ...Hm. No..I think you're...Yeah. Come on.  
  
*They leave, Shuyin gets a tux, he looks super hot, they go off to dinner. Shuyin is waiting at the foot of the staircase* 


End file.
